ONLINE RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING & GUIDANCE PARTS 8 AND 9

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BOOK: ASCENSION AND ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS BY ASCENDED MASTER DAVID STONE, PHD. & REV. JANA SHELLEY PARKER.

RESOURCE: ACIM DISCOURSE BOOKLET GOLDEN KEYS TO EFFECTIVE ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS. PARTS 1-9 (SERIES).

PART 8: INTRODUCTION & PAGE 1  

BOOK: ASCENSION AND ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS BY ASCENDED MASTER DAVID STONE, PHD. & REV. JANA SHELLEY PARKER.

RESOURCE: ACIM DISCOURSE BOOKLET GOLDEN KEYS TO EFFECTIVE ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS. PARTS 1-9 (SERIES).

PART 8: INTRODUCTION & PAGE 1

PART 8 & INTRODUCTION

ASCENSION AND ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS BY ASCENDED MASTER     JOSHUA DAVID STONE, PH.D., REV. JANA SHELLEY PARKER

RANDOM ACTS. Keep surprising your spouse/partner with     random acts of kindness, love and small gifts. If you make up your mind that you are     going to cultivate and maintain love, it will happen. If it doesn’t, you are with the wrong     partner. Listen closely to the things your spouse/partner says to you. For     example, you might be walking in the mall and he or she might innocently     comment about wanting something, not really thinking he/she will ever get     it. Make a note to yourself, and at some appropriate occasion get it for     him//her. Doing such things shows that you care, that you are listening to     him/her, that what he/she wants is important to you. If you try, this will     inspire your spouse to try. This     demonstrates that with all the lessons and stresses of life, you are not     forgetting him/her.

COMPLIMENTS. Tell     your spouse/partner how nice he/she looks when she gets dressed up-and, for     that matter, anytime you feel inspired. Make a habit of complimenting     her/him. Everyone likes a compliment. Make it your job to help him/her     build self-esteem and feeling of self-love. Don’t be afraid to spoil your     partner a little.  

ASKING FOR WHAT YOU WANT. Be sure to ask your partner for what you     want. In other words, you are doing     all these nice things for them, and there may be things you would like them     to do for you. One of the most     important principles of an effective relationship is to ask. You can be asked to be touched more. You can ask for more expressions of     appreciation. State your request as a loving preference. Ask and you shall     receive. When you are being so nice to your partner/spouse, he/she will     respond in kind. 

Most couples receive what they are given instead of     seeing that by asking, they can stimulate the giving process. You are not attached, so if they don’t do     what you ask, you are still happy. If it is given, it will be given to your     freely out of their own free choice. Your lack of manipulation in terms of the way you state it, and your     lack of neediness, breed love. People do not like to give to people who are     clinging vines. They do like to give     to people who are strong and loving and clear.

Your positive demonstration and your clear, preferential     requests for what you want will create and build a flow of love energy that     fills you fully. Your giving will     fill you full of love, and the reciprocation from your partner, both     spontaneously and by your asking, will fill you full of love. 

PART 8: PAGE 1

ASKING FOR WHAT YOU WANT CONT. PT. 2

Reflection Question: Do you see how in life everything is a matter of just making     adjustments? Keep making adjustments in your relationship by demonstrating     love and asking for what you want until your romantic relationships comes     perfectly back into the tao.

THE TOP OF YOUR PRIORITY LIST. Tell your spouse/partner that he/she is     at the top of your priority page right next to being right with yourself     and right with God and that you will be demonstrating this by your actions     from now on. Ask her or him to join     you in this commitment.

REPEATING YOUR MARRIAGE/COMMITMENT VOWS. Consider     repeating your marriage or relationship commitment vows. This can be a     private ceremony you do yourself or a spiritual marriage or partner     ceremony with a minister or rabbi. This ceremony will be the rebirth or     renewal of your marriage vows in the light of the Christ     consciousness. It will be a     commitment to demonstrate a soul/monadic -level or ascended-master romantic     relationship. 

USING THIS BOOK TOGETHER. This golden key may be one of the most important of all. Ask your     partner to read this book as a personal favor to you. Go through these     golden keys and make a checklist of the ones you want to practice. Then     hang it on your bulletin board and go over it every morning for minute or two. Maybe you can even read the book together     and discuss the keys as you read. (Book: Ascension and Romantic Relationships by Joshua David Stone,     PH.D. & Rev. Janna Shelley Parker).

BALANCING POWER WITH SENSITIVITY. Demonstrate a balance between personal     power and sensitivity and keep your ideal a masculine/feminine     balance. This applies to both men     and women. A woman likes a man who     is strong, but one who can also be very loving and sensitive. This     combination is the greatest sexual aphrodisiac. A woman who is loving and sensitive but     not in touch with her power tends to be childlike. This can be a turn-on and attractive for     a little while, but eventually gets old. A man who is strong but not     sensitive cannot connect on an intimate level. A man who is sensitive but     has no power is also a turn-off.

OPENNESS WITH POWER/SENSITIVITY. One of the golden keys in romantic     involvements was to be powerful in romantic and sexual advances. Always be     sensitive, but if you want to kiss a woman do not be shy about      

ASKING FOR WHAT YOU WANT CONT. PT. 2

Reflection Question: Do you see how in life everything is a matter of just making     adjustments? Keep making adjustments in your relationship by demonstrating     love and asking for what you want until your romantic relationships comes     perfectly back into the tao.

THE TOP OF YOUR PRIORITY LIST. Tell your spouse/partner that he/she is     at the top of your priority page right next to being right with yourself     and right with God and that you will be demonstrating this by your actions     from now on. Ask her or him to join     you in this commitment.

REPEATING YOUR MARRIAGE/COMMITMENT VOWS. Consider     repeating your marriage or relationship commitment vows. This can be a     private ceremony you do yourself or a spiritual marriage or partner     ceremony with a minister or rabbi. This ceremony will be the rebirth or     renewal of your marriage vows in the light of the Christ     consciousness. It will be a     commitment to demonstrate a soul/monadic -level or ascended-master romantic     relationship. 

USING THIS BOOK TOGETHER. This golden key may be one of the most important of all. Ask your     partner to read this book as a personal favor to you. Go through these     golden keys and make a checklist of the ones you want to practice. Then     hang it on your bulletin board and go over it every morning for minute or two. Maybe you can even read the book together     and discuss the keys as you read. (Book: Ascension and Romantic Relationships by Joshua David Stone,     PH.D. & Rev. Janna Shelley Parker).

BALANCING POWER WITH SENSITIVITY. Demonstrate a balance between personal     power and sensitivity and keep your ideal a masculine/feminine     balance. This applies to both men     and women. A woman likes a man who     is strong, but one who can also be very loving and sensitive. This     combination is the greatest sexual aphrodisiac. A woman who is loving and sensitive but     not in touch with her power tends to be childlike. This can be a turn-on and attractive for     a little while, but eventually gets old. A man who is strong but not     sensitive cannot connect on an intimate level. A man who is sensitive but     has no power is also a turn-off.

OPENNESS WITH POWER/SENSITIVITY. One of the golden keys in romantic     involvements was to be powerful in romantic and sexual advances. Always be     sensitive, but if you want to kiss a woman do not be shy about 

PART 8: PAGE 2

OPENNESS WITH POWER/SENSITIVITY CONT. PT.2

If you want to make love to a woman tell her. Women like this. Speaking from a man’s     perspective, men like this openness and expression of personal power ( with     sensitivity) as well. 

EXPERIMENTATION.  This applies to the dating process as well     as marriage. Dating is clearly an experiment of sorts. You go out with someone you don’t know     very well. You are checking things out. Don’t be afraid to experiment. In other words, touch the other person on the hand or leg while     conversing and see how that makes you feel and how it makes them. As you get to know him/her better, you     might experiment and kiss them, just to see how it feels. Be powerful about it. Look at it as an experiment. Ask him/her     to dance and see how that feels. People are often too shy and sensitive to     do this. If you wait until you feel like it or when it or when it feels     totally comfortable, it might never happen. Sometimes such an experiment     might not work, but that is good information.

This concept of experimentation also applies sexually,     when if you get to this point. In a committed relationship and marriage, be     willing to experiment. Get some of the sex manuals or books on tantric     sexuality and try some of the different positions and tantric     meditations. When you are through,     talk about it with your partner. What did you like and what didn’t you     like? Make mental notes about what worked and what didn’t. Over time you will build up a rich     arsenal of lovemaking knowledge. Your partner wants to be sexually fulfilled as much as you do. If     you think of this process as experimenting, there is no judgment when     something doesn’t work. The most important thing is that you communicate     with each other to monitor what is working and what is not both partners.

INDEPENDENCE VS. NEEDINESS. Don’t fall into neediness, dependency and     clinging-vine mentality. Both should     make it clear that they are fully capable of being on their own if they     have to, though this is not their preference. Knowing that your partner can     make it on his/her own without you and you without him or her makes both     partners be on their toes and not take the other for granted. It also     prevents the resentment that comes from overdependence. 

COMPROMISE. Sometimes in a relationships, you have to do things you don’t want     to do, but you can accept them and have a positive attitude      

OPENNESS WITH POWER/SENSITIVITY CONT. PT.2

If you want to make love to a woman tell her. Women like this. Speaking from a man’s     perspective, men like this openness and expression of personal power ( with     sensitivity) as well. 

EXPERIMENTATION.  This applies to the dating process as well     as marriage. Dating is clearly an experiment of sorts. You go out with someone you don’t know     very well. You are checking things out. Don’t be afraid to experiment. In other words, touch the other person on the hand or leg while     conversing and see how that makes you feel and how it makes them. As you get to know him/her better, you     might experiment and kiss them, just to see how it feels. Be powerful about it. Look at it as an experiment. Ask him/her     to dance and see how that feels. People are often too shy and sensitive to     do this. If you wait until you feel like it or when it or when it feels     totally comfortable, it might never happen. Sometimes such an experiment     might not work, but that is good information.

This concept of experimentation also applies sexually,     when if you get to this point. In a committed relationship and marriage, be     willing to experiment. Get some of the sex manuals or books on tantric     sexuality and try some of the different positions and tantric     meditations. When you are through,     talk about it with your partner. What did you like and what didn’t you     like? Make mental notes about what worked and what didn’t. Over time you will build up a rich     arsenal of lovemaking knowledge. Your partner wants to be sexually fulfilled as much as you do. If     you think of this process as experimenting, there is no judgment when     something doesn’t work. The most important thing is that you communicate     with each other to monitor what is working and what is not both partners.

INDEPENDENCE VS. NEEDINESS. Don’t fall into neediness, dependency and     clinging-vine mentality. Both should     make it clear that they are fully capable of being on their own if they     have to, though this is not their preference. Knowing that your partner can     make it on his/her own without you and you without him or her makes both     partners be on their toes and not take the other for granted. It also     prevents the resentment that comes from overdependence. 

COMPROMISE. Sometimes in a relationships, you have to do things you don’t want     to do, but you can accept them and have a positive attitude 

PART 8: PAGE 3

COMPROMISE CONT. PT. 2

You might have to go   over to the in-laws for Christmas dinner and perhaps you don’t feel like it.   Forget about your feelings-feelings are not your god. The Yiddish word,   mensch, is good here. A mensch is a good person or solid citizen who always   does what is right. sometimes what it right is something you don’t feel like   doing. Your spouse/partner might want to go on vacation and you really don’t   want to. At some point you will   probably feel it is best to just bite the bullet and go.

Once you make the choice to meet a specific need of your   partner, keep a positive attitude and have a good time. Feelings are often created by the negative   ego with its selfish perspective. Being in a relationship involves   compromise. You can’t always do   exactly what you want. If you are not willing to do what your partner wants   to do at least part of the time, you have no business being in a   relationship. Maybe a single life is best for you.

SHARING PERSONAL FEELINGS AND SECRETS. In our society men are often taught to be   silent, to be macho and never cry. Women are trained to be the exact the opposite. they love to share   feelings and their innermost secrets. Men   clearly need to open up more. Women, on the other hand, often need more   masculine energy in terms of learning to be more impersonal and having a   greater mastery of their emotions and desires bodies. 

In terms of relationships, there need to be an open flow of   sharing one’s inner reality. What is   the purpose of a relationship if you are not willing to do this? This is the main reason for having a   full-time romantic partner. He/she is is someone with whom you can share your   deepest feelings and thoughts and feel safe in doing so. This builds intimacy and closeness. Men   need to let down their barriers and do this more. Women are good teachers   here.

STANDARDS OF BEAUTY. Both men and women should let go og societal norms about beauty.   Physical beauty is not what Playboy magazine and our media make it out to be.    So beauty is in the eye of the   beholder. It is very important for   both men and women-for themselves and their relationship-to let of society’s   standards of glamour and beauty.     

COMPROMISE CONT. PT. 2

You might have to go   over to the in-laws for Christmas dinner and perhaps you don’t feel like it.   Forget about your feelings-feelings are not your god. The Yiddish word,   mensch, is good here. A mensch is a good person or solid citizen who always   does what is right. sometimes what it right is something you don’t feel like   doing. Your spouse/partner might want to go on vacation and you really don’t   want to. At some point you will   probably feel it is best to just bite the bullet and go.

Once you make the choice to meet a specific need of your   partner, keep a positive attitude and have a good time. Feelings are often created by the negative   ego with its selfish perspective. Being in a relationship involves   compromise. You can’t always do   exactly what you want. If you are not willing to do what your partner wants   to do at least part of the time, you have no business being in a   relationship. Maybe a single life is best for you.

SHARING PERSONAL FEELINGS AND SECRETS. In our society men are often taught to be   silent, to be macho and never cry. Women are trained to be the exact the opposite. they love to share   feelings and their innermost secrets. Men   clearly need to open up more. Women, on the other hand, often need more   masculine energy in terms of learning to be more impersonal and having a   greater mastery of their emotions and desires bodies. 

In terms of relationships, there need to be an open flow of   sharing one’s inner reality. What is   the purpose of a relationship if you are not willing to do this? This is the main reason for having a   full-time romantic partner. He/she is is someone with whom you can share your   deepest feelings and thoughts and feel safe in doing so. This builds intimacy and closeness. Men   need to let down their barriers and do this more. Women are good teachers   here.

STANDARDS OF BEAUTY. Both men and women should let go og societal norms about beauty.   Physical beauty is not what Playboy magazine and our media make it out to be.    So beauty is in the eye of the   beholder. It is very important for   both men and women-for themselves and their relationship-to let of society’s   standards of glamour and beauty.

PART 8: PAGE 4

CONSIDERATION. There is a great need to be thoughtful and considerate. So much in a     relationship has to do with transcending selfishness. If you are going to     run an errand, ask your spouse if there is anything he/she needs. The     little things you can do for each other are endless, so be creative and     inventive.

Act like a gentlemen and a gentlewoman. When one is first dating, we all act like     perfect gentle people. After marriage/committed relationship, we let     go of many of these noble qualities. The list is endless here too, such as opening the car door for your     wife, helping her on with her coat and lifting heavier objects. Some may     call this sexist; we call it being     considerate. In the reverse, there     are little things women can do in a more feminine frame of reference. It     may have to do with cooking and serving meals or creating a lovely home,     bringing her husband his slippers, unfolding or making the bed. Some of     these may seem like silly examples, but it is a principle here that is     important.

DIVIDING CHORES. Everyone has certain chores they hate and certain chores they don’t     mind. Be creative. Work out a fair     division of responsibilities that both people are comfortable with. 

SPIRITUAL TESTS. Every conflict you overcome in your relationship/marriage deepens     and strengthens the bond. Every fight and conflict is a spiritual test of     your love for each other. Do not     bail out of a relationship at the first spiritual test. Bailing out is     easy. Hanging in there and processing all lessons is the true test of     maturity in a relationship.

FREQUENCY OF SEX. There is no hard, fast rule about the frequency of sexual     involvement. Some people have a     higher libido than others. There are     other factors such as one’s spiritual focus, priorities, job stress, level     of physical health. Obviously, when you first become deeply involved, your     desire for sexual contact will be relatively high, and this is appropriate     for the bonding process. The frequency will also change during different     phases of the marriage. Some compromise may be needed. It is also possible to have sexual     involvement without either one having an orgasm. In some sexual involvement     the man or the woman might not feel like having an orgasm but can still     pleasure the partner. As long as     this doesn’t become a regular habit, this is appropriate. In a christed relationship, your     partner’s needs are just as important, or even more important,than your     own. Great pleasure is received from meeting your partner’s needs.     

CONSIDERATION. There is a great need to be thoughtful and considerate. So much in a     relationship has to do with transcending selfishness. If you are going to     run an errand, ask your spouse if there is anything he/she needs. The     little things you can do for each other are endless, so be creative and     inventive.

Act like a gentlemen and a gentlewoman. When one is first dating, we all act like     perfect gentlepeople. After marriage/committed relationship, we let     go of many of these noble qualities. The list is endless here too, such as opening the car door for your     wife, helping her on with her coat and lifting heavier objects. Some may     call this sexist; we call it being     considerate. In the reverse, there     are little things women can do in a more feminine frame of reference. It     may have to do with cooking and serving meals or creating a lovely home,     bringing her husband his slippers, unfolding or making the bed. Some of     these may seem like silly examples, but it is a principle here that is     important.

DIVIDING CHORES. Everyone has certain chores they hate and certain chores they don’t     mind. Be creative. Work out a fair     division of responsibilities that both people are comfortable with. 

SPIRITUAL TESTS. Every conflict you overcome in your relationship/marriage deepens     and strengthens the bond. Every fight and conflict is a spiritual test of     your love for each other. Do not     bail out of a relationship at the first spiritual test. Bailing out is     easy. Hanging in there and processing all lessons is the true test of     maturity in a relationship.

FREQUENCY OF SEX. There is no hard, fast rule about the frequency of sexual     involvement. Some people have a     higher libido than others. There are     other factors such as one’s spiritual focus, priorities, job stress, level     of physical health. Obviously, when you first become deeply involved, your     desire for sexual contact will be relatively high, and this is appropriate     for the bonding process. The frequency will also change during different     phases of the marriage. Some compromise may be needed. It is also possible to have sexual     involvement without either one having an orgasm. In some sexual involvement     the man or the woman might not feel like having an orgasm but can still     pleasure the partner. As long as     this doesn’t become a regular habit, this is appropriate. In a christed relationship, your     partner’s needs are just as important, or even more important,than your     own. Great pleasure is received from meeting your partner’s needs.

PART 8: PAGE 5

WILLINGNESS TO SHOW DESIRE. Do not be afraid to demonstrate and show     passion and desire for your partner. Also, do not be afraid to enjoy     sexuality to the fullest.  Here we     are speaking of the ascended-master consciousness or Christ consciousness     not being in conflict with sexual pleasure. God would have us feel pleasure and give pleasure to our     partner. Giving pleasure is an     aspect of love. Being passionate is not antithetical to spirituality.  

The key here is to demonstrate higher-self, not     lower-self passion. Higher -self     passion is like animal passion blended with unconditional love, caring,     intimacy and respect. Lower-self passion is just a pornographic movie for     sex with no caring, no love or intimacy; it is just a physical act.

When one truly understands the spiritual path, one     sees that it is the path of     integration and that one can integrate the best of both worlds.

PLAY DAYS. Institute a play day once or twice a month. It is an entire day given to just     enjoying life together. 

FOREPLAY. It is     very important for men to realize that women have a slower sexual response     buildup time than men. Men need to learn to be more process-oriented     instead of goal-oriented. When one     approaches sexual involvement with the attitude of being more concerned     with serving your partner first rather than yourself, this comes into     greater balance and harmony.

AFTERPLAY. In     Gregory Godek’s Book, The Portable Romantic, he quotes a woman named Sally     who says, “ A man’s attention to foreplay indicates his knowledge of sex.     But his attention to afterplay indicates his knowledge of love.” 

YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH SELF. To be sure to bond in your relationship     out of preference, wholeness, oneness, personal power, strength, self-love,     self-worth and being right with oneself and God. The ideal is for two wholes, or two     self-realized God-beings, to blend. Often  

DEVELOPING A RIGHT RELATIONSHIP TO SELF AND GOD. The final golden key in making your     romantic relationship work is to do everything in your power to help     yourself and your partner develop right relationship to self and with God, the more your relationship     is going to work. Make a lifestyle of mutual spiritual growth. Go to workshops and seminars and support     each other in counseling if needed. Occasionally you might want to see a     high-level channel. The more you and your partner fill your lives with God,     the better your relationship will be.         

WILLINGNESS TO SHOW DESIRE. Do not be afraid to demonstrate and show     passion and desire for your partner. Also, do not be afraid to enjoy     sexuality to the fullest.  Here we     are speaking of the ascended-master consciousness or Christ consciousness     not being in conflict with sexual pleasure. God would have us feel pleasure and give pleasure to our     partner. Giving pleasure is an     aspect of love. Being passionate is not antithetical to spirituality.  

The key here is to demonstrate higher-self, not     lower-self passion. Higher -self     passion is like animal passion blended with unconditional love, caring,     intimacy and respect. Lower-self passion is just a pornographic movie for     sex with no caring, no love or intimacy; it is just a physical act.

When one truly understands the spiritual path, one     sees that it is the path of     integration and that one can integrate the best of both worlds.

PLAY DAYS. Institute a play day once or twice a month. It is an entire day given to just     enjoying life together. 

FOREPLAY. It is     very important for men to realize that women have a slower sexual response     buildup time than men. Men need to learn to be more process-oriented     instead of goal-oriented. When one     approaches sexual involvement with the attitude of being more concerned     with serving your partner first rather than yourself, this comes into     greater balance and harmony.

AFTERPLAY. In     Gregory Godek’s Book, The Portable Romantic, he quotes a woman named Sally     who says, “ A man’s attention to foreplay indicates his knowledge of sex.     But his attention to afterplay indicates his knowledge of love.” 

YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH SELF. To be sure to bond in your relationship     out of preference, wholeness, oneness, personal power, strength, self-love,     self-worth and being right with oneself and God. The ideal is for two wholes, or two     self-realized God-beings, to blend. Often  

DEVELOPING A RIGHT RELATIONSHIP TO SELF AND GOD. The final golden key in making your     romantic relationship work is to do everything in your power to help     yourself and your partner develop right relationship to self and with God, the more your relationship     is going to work. Make a lifestyle of mutual spiritual growth. Go to workshops and seminars and support     each other in counseling if needed. Occasionally you might want to see a     high-level channel. The more you and your partner fill your lives with God,     the better your relationship will be.